new adventures

today shall be short & brief because i'm going to bed because...
TOMMOROW I'M A UNI STUDENT!!!
wow extremely weird to say that.
i honestly thought at one stage in my life that people in yr 7 were old.
then yr 10.
then yr 12.
then uni.
um wat the?
how hav i become one of these.
and the coolest thing is, tommorow my day consists of a ballet class & singing tute.
this makes me extremely happy.
gotta love uni.



did a lot of driving today.
wen not driving i was chasing a 7yr old who had endless amounts of energy.
wen not doing either of them i was running away frm turks & scottie in the gardens.
then wen i had a chance & was doing none of the above, i was eating frozen yoghurt.
i am so tired now as a result.
that is why my bed is desperately calling my name.
so tonight is extremely short, i'm sorry.
all i can say is that i really can't wait to move into a house wen i can buy stuff.
couches.
beds.
art work.
vases.
tables.
random cool statues.
picking colour schemes.
cocktail glasses.
crockery sets.
i really am excited.
my life awaites me :)



"You're a good freeway driver."
yea thanx for that love.
p.s. i wasn't actually crying. turk's added it for dramatic effect. but i was deeply hurt :P


"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
-Proverbs 17:17








Till we meet again...

smiling at life

i hav seriously had one of the best, amazing, invigorating, guilty-ridden, fun, fantastic, wonderful, junk food filled 48 hours. words cannot express how happy i feel just at this moment.

and the thing is, i suppose nothing extraordinary has happened to me.

no trip across to antarctica.

didn't fly.

wasn't named the world's miss universe...not that i want that.

i simply spent time with some of the best people i know.

the people who make me smile.

who, even after spending a whole night & half a day with you, will run up & give you the most amazing hug. as if i was a long lost friend.

who forgive me for bursting out in random laughter at 5 in the morning.

the kind who know all my secrets, seemingly without me even telling them.

the people who i always look forward to seeing, no matter what.

the neverending jokes we hav.

who are considerate, yet brutely honest about almost everything.

the so completely different mix of people, wen blended together, make the smoothest, coolest, tastiest, funnest, exciting treat you will ever get.

thursday night consisted of WAY too much to be able to be completely justified with words.

the ball sliding on exfoliate's tiled floor while pre-drinking.

the talks that should NEVER EVER EVER be repeated.

quotes that shouldn't but will always be remembered.

silly city folk who think that the possum is chasing them.

symbolic fern tree throwing.

my agility to dodge many a sprinkler...in heels...in the dark.

the "You can't die! Who will plan my funeral properly?"

but then the "Maybe dying together would be symbolic."

who are we dying from?

a drunk guy, in a taxi, cursing at us.

ordering (and inventing) a McNothing.

the fact that 4 of us get in a bed together, clearly all knowing we won't all end up there in the

morning. why do we bother really??

the curse of the women's figure skating.

the goodbye's.

i really thought that i should catch up with my lovely parentals of mine after my time away.

indian food.

i should hav expected it from my parents really.

but it was a nice meal & catch up time.

drove ALL THE WAY out to lilydale.

seriously, why do you live in lilydale?

i'm pretty sure we'v actually had this discussion before.

sang while driving.

very loud.

glad i was alone.

didn't take one wrong turn.

yay!!

was greeted quite splendifidly with chocolate...and champagne...and red wine...and video games.

and a really cool internet ordered pizza.

i mean i didn't eat the pizza.

it was just the cool internet ordered thing that excited me.

surprised i didn't get nightmares frm my marathon of shooting people witness.

tho was quite thrilling at the same time i admit.

i dreamed of elephants...baby elephants.

hmmm.

it was just an amazing night.

can't stop smiling.

didn't want to go home.

p.s. i'm sorry i haven't thought of ur code name yet. it will come eventually.

picked up scottie from dancing.

i feel like such a mum.

"I'm picking up my child frm dance class."

thought we could get something to eat, but just ended up wasting half an hour.

driving very close to the cbd.

but yet again, didn't get lost.

am babysitting at the moment.

reminiscing on my past two days.

children are all in bed.

house is quiet.

dark outside.

feel so old.

and it's different.

it's new.

things are going to change.

i honestly can't help that.

but i do know that things i want to remain the same, or even get better, most certainly will.

things that i want to change, i will change.

i now know that i can be stronger.

in my heart, i want to be stronger.

and i don't want to let people down again, even if they hav no official reason to be let down.

i know exactly how they feel.

and i hate it.

i will try my absolute best to do this.

because they hav to smile.

they have to.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."

-Philippians 4:13

Till we meet again...

All I have to do is smile

it is thursday today. wow wasn't expecting that.

the last three days hav seriously felt like at least a week.

ah the joys of o-week.

i'll just give a brief overview of my 3 days cause going into detail requires thought, which i really don't hav.

first day: great start

apparently i had declined my offer some time in the past few months.

gah why me?!

but continued on like i was a normal uni student.

listened to lots of people talk.

walked around a lot.

met lots of people.

ate a sausage.

discovered if i keep my car in ballarat, i will soon become a taxi driver. which i don't particularly want. so i will hav to think of something to restrain this from happening. hmmm...

did something i regret HOWEVER will never do again. this is a promise to myself. never ever.

lasagne for dinner.

PARTAY that night.

typical ballarat weather, it decides to rain.

the house is tiny.

backyard is massive.

it is raining.

can't breathe inside.

get wet outside.

i look like a drowned rat. i was so sad :(

there seemed to be a never ending amount of people that i had to meet & introduce myself to. can't remember anyone's names. plus i shouted the whole night. sore throat today...

Day two: learned about a...wait for it...boot camp!!

so doing it. i'm quite excited. three morning's a week. 7:30AM. woo...kill me now :P

HEAPS of informations drilled into my head, finding it hard to remember it all. hopefully will come back to me wen i am in need.

went out to the movies that night to see Valentine's Day. look typical romantic chick flick. wat do you expect. but it made me so happy :D well i enjoyed it anyway.

very close to having a massive spaz attack that night. very close. i then told Daddy & scottie about it. they encouraged me. wat the?

Dad: "you should of just blown up and become really scary"

Scottie: "yea like this" *pushes me REALLY hard against my desk*

how are the two men of my house encouraging me to be violent. this is so not them. but i suppose with the victim in mind, they would encourage it...

drove home listening to amazing music which made me feel like i was in a movie scene, in new york, driving home at night, thinking about everything emotional in my life. i tried to do that, but i was in ballarat & my emotional life i either didn't want to think about or wasn't worthy of cutting a movie scene.

Day three: dance streaming.

twas average. think i'm probably in lowest dance level.

but to be honest, am surprisingly happy about it. i just want to learn the basics again which i haven't done in soooo long. it will be a basis for which i can improve on.

listened to a looooong 1 & 1/2 hour OH&S lecture on injury & injury prevention.

was made a cool ice cream invention for dessert that night.

neopolitan ice cream, banana, cinnamon, strawberries, & a dollop of cream. so so so nice :)

drove home. home!!

love being alone in a car. i get to sing & put the music up LOUD. it just makes me soo happy.

i'm pretty sure the last 1km to my house i almost flew up the road i was so ambitious to get there.

i got attacked by turks & scottie while still in the car.

love those two.

i now hav 4 days off.

with wat shall i hav the pleasure of doing with them?

only time shall tell i suppose.

"There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

-Proverbs 18:24

Till we meet again.

steps into unknown

Well as i hav now discovered i am having to write my blog for two days, after my glorious advertures with some of the most amazing people i know.

Yesterday began with a lovely two & a half hours sitting in a relaxing hair salon reading fashion magazines.

well i mean that's not all i did there...i did actually get my hair done.

i now hav a fringe & cool shiny colours that twinkle in the sunlight thru my hair.

it is requiring a bit of getting used to on my part, but overall quite happy :-)

i then went home, received a phone call by the person who could most probably literally recall my past 36 hours to anyone who asked.

was nice to talk tho.

it's always nice to talk to that person.

life just complicates things.

my continual smile wen talking sort of forgives those complications tho.

realised time had slipped right thru my fingers.

got a phone call from mum telling me to get on a train in 10 minutes.

GAH!!

stress attack to the most.

but i did manage to get my pj's & toothbrush & id (unklike some people).

got to the station.

train was late.

could hav packed a book & more clothes.

ah well.

briefly saw my Daddy. he loved my haircut. yay :-)

walked an awful lot of concrete & waited an awful lot of time.

the magical powers of a certain someone to lassoo trams could be questioned.

but eventually paid off.

and gave me many a smile & laugh.

had an AMAZING tomato & capsicum soup.

wow.

tastes so much better after not eating much beforehand.

the night ended out with so much fun.

this in detail can be read on ending silence's blog.

she definitely provides the best & funniest parts of the evening/morning.

woke up much later than thought.

boiling hot.

someone very lovely & thoughtful decided the air con might be a good idea.

pineapple juice welcomed me to the day at around 2:30pm.

definitely looking back am embarassed by my look that i ventured out into the public eye in.

no doubt it wont be my last tho.

how sad...

managed (for once) to catch the train that i planned to catch.

this is actually a miracle.

maybe it was because my bad luck transport charm left me at ivanhoe going the opposite direction.

oh & yes, bad luck transport charm, your train did pass me at Alphington right on the dot.

i was extremely impressed & happy :-)

shower tonight was painful, inspecting my blistered, bloody feet.

hopefully will stay off them for tonight and tommorow.

and stay out of those shoes.

as i seem to only hav one more day before i head over to ballarat, i'm getting really nervous.

i'm going to miss turks and scottie way too much.

i really done know how i'm going to cope.

just want to move into my new house.

start afresh.

start the year which seems to hav taken a while to get to.

just move.

get moving.

start the engine.

move those wheels.

honk the horn.

feel the wind in my hair.

and it scares me not knowing how things could dramatically change.

emotions. feelings. finances. circumstances. friends.

it all just feels to much to comprehend, so i'm kind of pushing it back, hoping it will go away.

but from past experience, i really dont think it does.

the support from people who i treasure most will keep me going i think.

and they'll remain with me forever.

VERY frustrated at not being able to understand people.

then wondering whether it's worth waiting & suffering in silence to get a small glimpse of understanding, still not certain of whether it'll ever open up fully.

tommorow's plan: packing.

how fun.

"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up."

-1 Corinthians 8:1b

Till we meet again...

sun kissed skin

this morning's waking up routine was much more organised than previous mornings.
i woke up.
saw the post it note i had written the night before reminding me to put on a load of washing.
put on the winter olympics.
quickly chose a recipe & made pasta to take with me for lunch.
my mind was in a mindset of knowing exactly wat had to be done, wen i had to leave, & wat train i was taking.
despite this, my ridiculous inability to choose something to wear & involvment in tv activities caused me to again be rushing round the house in a state of mad headless chicken-like ways.
i think i did look decent wen walking out the door, but much to my dismay forgot an ipod or book so my train rides were extremely boring.
ah the life of someone who cant seem to organise everything the way it should be.

ok just heard my cat's bell...really didn't know she was here.
still dont know where she is.
gah this is a tad freaky....
oh no wait, i see her.
in the chair next to me.
well that woke me up.



ANYWAY, back to my day & the point of this blog.


had my beautiful cousin's 20th!!! 20th!!! b'day today.
cant believe how old we're all getting.
really doesn't feel right.
i can just see time's going to pass us by really fast, and i cant do anything to stop it.
decided after about 2 minutes of being in the company of her/my friends, that i would not talk as most likely anything i said would be taken in a REALLY dirty way & would end up making a complete fool of myself.
i really can't do that.
so i talked.
and i think i only managed to say one taken-in-a-reallly-dirty-way thing for the entire day.
i was quite proud & pleased with them and myself.
sun just loved us way too much, couldn't get away from it.
i wonder if i will end up paying for my irresistable skin that the sun just loves to touch...

my day ended fabulously.
some people just make ur day dont they.
this is one of those people & one of those days.
i hope that uni life wont disrupt days & moments like today.
i need special things to keep me going.

my phone has either an allergy to my mum's name or an obsession to my mum's number.
it REFUSES to display my mother's name wen getting a txt or phone call from her.
it simply states the number which i hav now had to become familiar with.
things like this intrigue me.
i wonder why?

came home tonight to freshly baked sourdour bread that Dad had been making over the past few weeks.
it was actually amazing and divine and indescribable.
i'm sorry i can't put a tasting palett on the blog.
maybe i'll request for it to be a new gadget.
but please trust me it was just melting in my mouth.
still warm from baking...
melting butter...
crunchy crust...
(am i making you jealous yet??)
well yes, it was quite nice anyway.


looking forward to my first friday night off.
and i'm 18 which makes it even better.
does feel slightly weird without having to prepare a solo audition, but it's a lovely break.
so happy :D




"Where there is no vision, the people perish."
-Proverbs 29:18




Till we meet again...

totally commited

i was feeling surprisingly tired last night.
wat did i do all day?
um...nothing.
seriously dont know wat's wrong with me :P
fell asleep on turk's bed, with cuddles. made turks let me sleep with cuddles. the BEST bed partner i could ask for. who needs males wen u hav cuddles.


woke up relaxed.
really relaxed & happy.
got ready for the day in about 15 minutes.
ate shapes & an apple while driving to station. i think my mind never woke up.
that's often a worry...
met up with an amazing housemate. really looking forward to moving out.
day consisted of trying to understand people, but never succeeded.
mind DEFINITELY wasn't awake.
plus everyone seemed to hav an accent.



so question........
WHY DID NO ONE EVER TAKE ME TO RETRO STAR??
you can seriously find the most hilarious, disturbing, & fantastic outfits there.
i also want to get a nighty. dont know why. just do.
also, would anyone kill me if i bought & wore a woollen pull over jumper? like grandma-ish.
i sort of want to.



i hav lately discovered that the name "Jane" is used quite often to represent a nobody. someone who can't be named. a generalisation.
"Plain Jane".
"Jane the citizen".
surprisingly i'm not really affected.
just slightly amused.



bahahahaha just watched the commonwealth bank ad.
"Don't get a girlfriend. They take all your money."
we so don't.
typical commonwealth bank.
oh wait...i'm with the commonwealth bank.
woops

got asked today twice about where the new dfo was.
seemed a tad strange.
only knew vaguely how to get there.
just told everyone to keep walking straight & they'll get there eventually.
ah asian tourists. don't you love them.
keeps me on my toes.

dancing makes me so happy.
whether doing it or watching it.
the emotion it elicts.
just incredible.
such a wonderful thing in life that provides something amazing to be enjoyed.



"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
-Philippians 4:12





Till we meet again...

giving myself over

wat i thought was a strong adversity to having my own blog has now seemingly been proven defeated.
this makes me sad but also quite invigorated.
i now have a huge wide world of void to fill with pointless thoughts.
it is merely a selfish place to let things out only for your own good feeling.
then again, if we all felt good, this world would be filled with smiles.
who knows wat we then could achieve...

my worry for my first blog is that i hav an unacountable amount of emotion, thoughts & random words that i feel need to escape...probably sooner than later preferably.
i then will sit down tommorow to write & this will be my mind blank. nothing to fill the page with.
though knowing me, things seem to change in the split instance of a second.
i should really hav no problem.

today has been such a drag. after wat has been several days of new adventures, laughs, dreaming, & close encounters with my adrenelin and central nervous system colliding, i seem to hav nothing to occupy my time with.
except thoughts running through my mind over & over. and over. and over. and over some more.
just for dramatic effect.
morning started with message that i did not want to reply to.
had been ignoring.
replied in brief simple sentences.
after 5 minutes could no longer cope.
wonder how i'll be after 3 years...

wonderful conversation & breakfast with turks.
pankakes just complete everything.
she's finally let go, and it just makes me so happy.
she's over the moon & on fire for living.
she was impressed by my driving skills.
met her french deb partner.
LOVE his accent.
so cute.
turks can hav him.

spent most of today staring at the car.
thinking up an excuse to drive somewhere.
came up with nothing.
i really hav no imagination.

the ability to understand male beings would be a helpful skill i could afford to relish in.
tho i suppose the exciting secretism does spice things up at times.

the feeling of helplessness.
i hate.
i care so much.
maybe too much.
can't do anything.
things you do try, either fail miserably or are left unknown.
do i keep trying?am i being too much of a female being?should i just give up?do i wait for him? how does he feel? see me?
stop thinking about myself.
i'm being selfish.
all of a sudden....i smile.
the wind cools me.
the sun warms me.
the birds sing.
sometimes due to his words.
sometimes not.

craving soft white bread.
and monzas.
brought 2 last night.
ate them both.
really arkward, funny, tensioned train ride home.
at least it provided entertainment...of sorts.
no monzas left in the pantry :(

Nacho 5 and co. are being greatly missed by myself.
wish to see them.
everything starts way too soon.
want to stay in december '09 and hopefully december '10 forever.

next mission is thinking up code names. i'm so excited, but really nervous.
hav to get them right.


"Love never ends"
-I Corinthians 13:8

until we meet again...