Last day alive

lately i'v been in a really contemplative & reflective of life.
i dont know why...actually i do, but its weird that it's due to something that happened.

i wonder what i would do if today was the last day i ever lived.
like imagine. wat would i do? who would i see?
thinking about it, i would just want to see everyone & everything.
money wouldn't be an issue. i could eat WHATEVER i want. i wouldnt need to worry about what people think of me. it would just be awesome.
i dont think i'd want to sleep. too much to see & do.
i'd really want to get on a plane with all my friends & family and travel to europe & do as much as i can in a day.
not think about my fears.
smile. and laugh. about nothing.
buy lots of flowers.
eat a chocolate eclair/profiterolle.
visit & big, exciting city.
and roll down green rolling hills.
make people's day so much better.
give them a reason to live.
actually tell people how i feel. honestly. openly.
not be scared.
appreciate absolutely everything that i see & experience.
register to be an organ donor.
make people happy.
stop living & checking facebook & TALK to him.
kiss someone. someone who i want to kiss with all my heart.
get a huge bunch of balloons.
sing.
stop waiting for the next thing in life to happen & just enjoy the moment.
be happy cause i know what's in store.



"I'll give you a world to conquer when you're grown"

-'I'd Give My Life for You'
Miss Saigon


Till we meet again...

insides

why does my brain & heart & mind & body & everything else just like to gang up on me.
they think they want something, then all of a sudden...BAM change direction.
want different things.
go crazy.
people ask why.
i dont know.
if i could go into my body & ask each part why they're doing things, wow wouldnt that be amazing.
i would actually know why i suddenly feel things or want things or get angry.
then maybe i could stop it.
people around me would be very happy as a result.
gah.
breathe jane breathe.
also, i hav found out today that im not very good at pretending to be perfectly fine.
got asked a LOT wat was wrong with me today.
argh this is why i study acting.

stupid hoons outside my window i can hear.
honestly Ballarat, get ur act together.

as a conclusion, i am so so happy despite wat has been written.
just leaning my head on the wall, as to release all pain & confusion in my back, head & heart.
gotta love life.
:)

WHY AM I NOT ASLEEP!!

Till we meet again...