wat i thought was a strong adversity to having my own blog has now seemingly been proven defeated.
this makes me sad but also quite invigorated.
i now have a huge wide world of void to fill with pointless thoughts.
it is merely a selfish place to let things out only for your own good feeling.
then again, if we all felt good, this world would be filled with smiles.
who knows wat we then could achieve...
my worry for my first blog is that i hav an unacountable amount of emotion, thoughts & random words that i feel need to escape...probably sooner than later preferably.
i then will sit down tommorow to write & this will be my mind blank. nothing to fill the page with.
though knowing me, things seem to change in the split instance of a second.
i should really hav no problem.
today has been such a drag. after wat has been several days of new adventures, laughs, dreaming, & close encounters with my adrenelin and central nervous system colliding, i seem to hav nothing to occupy my time with.
except thoughts running through my mind over & over. and over. and over. and over some more.
just for dramatic effect.
morning started with message that i did not want to reply to.
had been ignoring.
replied in brief simple sentences.
after 5 minutes could no longer cope.
wonder how i'll be after 3 years...
wonderful conversation & breakfast with turks.
pankakes just complete everything.
she's finally let go, and it just makes me so happy.
she's over the moon & on fire for living.
she was impressed by my driving skills.
met her french deb partner.
LOVE his accent.
so cute.
turks can hav him.
spent most of today staring at the car.
thinking up an excuse to drive somewhere.
came up with nothing.
i really hav no imagination.
the ability to understand male beings would be a helpful skill i could afford to relish in.
tho i suppose the exciting secretism does spice things up at times.
the feeling of helplessness.
i hate.
i care so much.
maybe too much.
can't do anything.
things you do try, either fail miserably or are left unknown.
do i keep trying?am i being too much of a female being?should i just give up?do i wait for him? how does he feel? see me?
stop thinking about myself.
i'm being selfish.
all of a sudden....i smile.
the wind cools me.
the sun warms me.
the birds sing.
sometimes due to his words.
sometimes not.
craving soft white bread.
and monzas.
brought 2 last night.
ate them both.
really arkward, funny, tensioned train ride home.
at least it provided entertainment...of sorts.
no monzas left in the pantry :(
Nacho 5 and co. are being greatly missed by myself.
wish to see them.
everything starts way too soon.
want to stay in december '09 and hopefully december '10 forever.
next mission is thinking up code names. i'm so excited, but really nervous.
hav to get them right.
"Love never ends"
-I Corinthians 13:8
this makes me sad but also quite invigorated.
i now have a huge wide world of void to fill with pointless thoughts.
it is merely a selfish place to let things out only for your own good feeling.
then again, if we all felt good, this world would be filled with smiles.
who knows wat we then could achieve...
my worry for my first blog is that i hav an unacountable amount of emotion, thoughts & random words that i feel need to escape...probably sooner than later preferably.
i then will sit down tommorow to write & this will be my mind blank. nothing to fill the page with.
though knowing me, things seem to change in the split instance of a second.
i should really hav no problem.
today has been such a drag. after wat has been several days of new adventures, laughs, dreaming, & close encounters with my adrenelin and central nervous system colliding, i seem to hav nothing to occupy my time with.
except thoughts running through my mind over & over. and over. and over. and over some more.
just for dramatic effect.
morning started with message that i did not want to reply to.
had been ignoring.
replied in brief simple sentences.
after 5 minutes could no longer cope.
wonder how i'll be after 3 years...
wonderful conversation & breakfast with turks.
pankakes just complete everything.
she's finally let go, and it just makes me so happy.
she's over the moon & on fire for living.
she was impressed by my driving skills.
met her french deb partner.
LOVE his accent.
so cute.
turks can hav him.
spent most of today staring at the car.
thinking up an excuse to drive somewhere.
came up with nothing.
i really hav no imagination.
the ability to understand male beings would be a helpful skill i could afford to relish in.
tho i suppose the exciting secretism does spice things up at times.
the feeling of helplessness.
i hate.
i care so much.
maybe too much.
can't do anything.
things you do try, either fail miserably or are left unknown.
do i keep trying?am i being too much of a female being?should i just give up?do i wait for him? how does he feel? see me?
stop thinking about myself.
i'm being selfish.
all of a sudden....i smile.
the wind cools me.
the sun warms me.
the birds sing.
sometimes due to his words.
sometimes not.
craving soft white bread.
and monzas.
brought 2 last night.
ate them both.
really arkward, funny, tensioned train ride home.
at least it provided entertainment...of sorts.
no monzas left in the pantry :(
Nacho 5 and co. are being greatly missed by myself.
wish to see them.
everything starts way too soon.
want to stay in december '09 and hopefully december '10 forever.
next mission is thinking up code names. i'm so excited, but really nervous.
hav to get them right.
"Love never ends"
-I Corinthians 13:8
until we meet again...
i enjoy this a lot :-)
ReplyDeletei feel like i sort of influence your blog style. but i could be wrong :P
we should discuss the males thing. i know what its about, but for obvious reasons im not going to give you advice here.
i miss you also.
personally would prefer december '09 didn't exist, but i look forward to this years one :P
love you a lot lot lot.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
i love ur writing style. i probably would hav done that style, but yes you prompted it :)
ReplyDeletemales are often just frustrating. honestly can't work them out. i remember having a discussion in bed with you during sb about this. ah twas good...
love you more xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox