inspiration

so i just sat down & read exfoliate's blog while watching August Rush.
and i just want to say that yes although the internet doesn't quite convey tone or deep emotion, i could feel the happiness seeping through the bright green words that were being written.
her smile i could see right before my eyes.
the melbourne uni setting that i would learn to love if i had the chance.
her amazing presence i want to see again so badly.
the endless talks i would hav all over again.
the sparkle that she always has in her eyes.
and the amount of love i feel wenever im around her.
this inspires me.
music inspires me.
my friends inspire me.
my family inspires me.
to reach for dreams.
continue dreaming.
go beyond anything i could ever think of.
take risks.
embrace youth.
but at the same time embrace growing up.
enjoy every single chill i get through my body.
music & love.
they go hand in hand.
both give me chills.
both make me smile.
both need emotion to function.
they're both wat i long for in life.
they're both wat keeps me going at times.

i'm happy.
a bit confused.
but how is that out of the ordinary.
starting to understand people.
smiling.
i can't wait till 4:30 thursday.


Till we meet again...

very odd

this week has been so odd.
very up and down.
wanting to bury myself in a hole one day, then the next having so much energy & not being able to stop smiling.

last night i went out.
to a bar.
in ballarat.
i know right. a tad dangerous.
but i did.
did not drink because i was being responsible and driving home.
but still had a fun night.
talked with a third year mt for pretty much the whole night.
twas interesting.
then went home at 10:30 so i could sleep a bit.
walked into the kitched and was greeted with a mass of dishes.
so me being me, suddenly had a huge urge to clean.
so i washed all the dishes, unloaded the dishwasher, put another load on, and cleaned the whole kitched with some multi-purpose cleaner that i managed to find.
it was so much fun.
woke up at 7 all ready for boot camp.
my day has pretty much been like that the whole time.
very much full of energy.
smiling the whole time.
sort of in love with michael buble.
gah...
and now i'm sitting listening to Next to Normal and wanting to cry.
every single aspect of my life is just flooding all at once upon my heart & head.
some good.
some bad.
wonderful memories of laughter & endless smiles.
issues pending on me at the moment.
missing people like crazy.
pink sequins.
centrelink forms on my bed.
excitement of getting mail for the first time today Yes i was pretty much running round the house in excitement.
tommorow is friday.

but i won't cry today.
i will smile.
take the clothes off the line.
make fish for dinner.
watch A Chorus Line for repertoir assignment #2.
go to bed. keep the routine.
continue being Jane who i'm expected to be.
Plain old Jane with her quirky style & odd sense of humour.
who really has no idea wat she's doing at any point of any day.
and often talks before thinking.
i wouldn't be able to change this even if i tried tho.
hmmm.

well my gorgeous fish who's been waiting in the fridge so patiently since tuesday is getting impatient, so i think i will go cook it.
Keep smiling all.


Till we meet again...

gah

I HATE WEEK 4.
i'm very tempted to leave this as my blog but i think i'm going to use this space of white blank to let all my emotions out.

i feel like going to bed and sleeping.
forever.
with my friends.
and family.
and loved ones.
and never having to look at another million assignments.
or search after a lost library book.
or cook dinner.
or try and keep well.
it's all just getting so hard & i'm a little bit over it.
i realise i'm going to bed before 9:30 every night.
this also sounds like i'm whining and i hate that so i think i'll stop.
and go to bed.
cannot wait till the weekend.

Till we meet again...

another sunday night

it's another sunday night. finished another week. lived another weekend. starting a new cycle again.

it's another sunday night. i'm sitting in my bed. under the covers for once. the weather's starting to like me.

it's another sunday night. i feel a bit like a man. don't know why. maybe cause i'm wearing a man's t-shirt to bed.

i can hear strange one just coming home thru the door. us two girls are in our rooms. in bed. "asleep".
we both came home to quite a few finished beer bottles that had been consumed over the weekend. we're both quite intrigued.

i love looking round my room & seeing what i'v kept from certain people & events. it makes me see what i find important in my life and how i treasure moments and people so much.
my "calming" box from secondary school wen i start to become a stress head. 3D glasses. photos. soft toys. a balloon. food that is so precious i'm scared to eat. pink sequin headband (with matching wrist band) i'm cool like that :P my favourite 18th b'day cards. money from america. a piece of white & orange paper with a number on it. and my weird obsession and love of candles.

this weekend is another one of those weekends when i just want to rabble on and on about how much i love my friends.
and how amazingly blesssed i am to hav them. cause seriously, they're incredible.
each one of them. in their own special way.
i will fall asleep soon with a smile on my face after such a wonderful night & day.
they exhausted me to the core this weekend. blisters forming. legs prob won't let me get up in the morning. but still...my smile will be there.
the extreme happiness i felt walking around the city with them.
annoyance at times. having many a "Joey" moments. learning to work together. i wouldn't trade it for the world.
and i do hate being away from them. but i'm definitly learning to treasure every single moment wen with them. makes it amazingly worthwhile.
even wen they strip the blankets off ur sleeping body to wake you up.
i still love them.
so so much.
for the world.


"...forgive, and you will be forgiven."
-Luke 6:37


Till we meet again...

almost weekend

hello my fellow bloggers.
well last night was st patricks day.
last night strange one got a tad tipsy and very emotional.
last night i played scategories & lost.
last night i couldn't stop eating burger rings.
last night as soon as my head hit the pillow i was out to it. alcohol??
also, last night someone got stabbed right near my beloved uni.
then this morning i got up early and went to bootcamp and did pilates.

i'm sort of starting to admire the amazingness of mothers & fathers.
the way they manage to fit everything into their day.
meals.
washing.
cleaning.
dishes.
chores in town.
personal cleanliness & hygiene.
i honestly don't know how they do it.
i'm stuffed.
maybe it's a repitition thing.
hmmm.

i find it really embarassing wen i'm sitting at my dinning room table singing my absolute heart out with the window open and people walk past.
i mean i suppose i hav some sort of excuse.
but still...
gah embarassing :S

And tommorow is Friday!!
which means i'm going to yabc tommorow night.
and going home tommorow night
and it's the weekend!!
this makes me extremely happy
:)



Till we meet again...

staying awake...

wat is it with the weather lately?

it's just messing with my body system.

last week it's absolutely freezing cold & i'm sitting on the couch with two jumpers on, snuggled under a doona, & the heater blazing.

this week i'm in singlet & shorts, sweating away.

gah it exhausts me!

i am so tired.

i shouldn't be this tired.

really.

but i am.

so tired.

i can't even be bothered eating.

i just want to lay down & sleep forever.

i may just do that.

would make life easier.

wouldn't hav to go to bootcamp in the morning.

or write this critical studies assignment.

or think about the black spider in my underwear drawer.

or hav to think about emotional complications that i don't particularly want.

it really would make life easier.

saying that, i wouldn't hav a life if i was asleep.

hmmm interesting concept...

i love my housemates.

really i am so blessed to hav them this year.

the dynamics in the house are just wonderful.

plus strange one can cook wonderfully.

:)

i hav now discovered how to use my oven and washing machine.
i'm proud of myself.
it makes life easier too.
hehe.

ok so if i go to bed soon, i will get around 12 hours sleep.
this sounds extremely amazing.
may just do that.
forget the millions of assignments i need to do.
i'm sleeping.




"With him is strength and wisdom..."
-Job 12:16







Till we meet again...

nothing

i am sitting with my family in my loung room laughing our heads off at biggest loser.

i feel sort of bad, but the commando really is hilarious.

ah the joys of family life.

so i feel like my life is:

weekdays=uni

weekend=get to live life

i mean dont get me wrong, i love uni.

but as for writing a blog, it feels as if hav nothing to write about.

i go to uni each day.

get completely exhausted.
know i hav to do assignments.

sit in front of the couch thinking of the asssignment i hav to do.

then go to bed because i'm completely out to it & most likely hav to get up before 7am.

and it makes me sad that my life actually seems quite boring.

BUT...

i did hav a wonderful weekend :-)

hmmm now that i think about it, i slept for a large portion of it.

but i slept all of that with my desired person of choice so i'm happy.

well i'm sorry but that is my life at the moment.

i miss my beautiful friends so so much.

i really do need to see them soon.

i'm starting to go insane.

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
-Psalm 90:12

Till we meet again...

new

i cant believe i hav moved.

out of home.

into a new home.

new room.

new people.

different feel & smell.

new sounds.

new temperature.

new views.

different dynamics.

different food.

it reminds me of moving to plc.

but better.

it all lies ahead of me.

and it's a tad exciting.

this morning i woke up & started to pack my room up.

i hav an unbelievable amount of stuff.

just random stuff.

took a LOT of it.

packed it all in my little car.

my desk included.

and me & myself drove along the all too familiar road to ballarat.

know that road way too well.

got caught in a couple of crazy storms.

the sky was brilliant tho.

and it is now 8:49pm and i am sitting on my bed which i picked up.

just ate grilled flake, a potato cake, & chips for dinner.

watched Princess and the Frog.

drank sprite.

did dishes.

looking round at my new room for at least the rest of this year.

my desk in front of me.

wardrobe to the left.

window to the right.

cant wait to get properly settled.

it will just be so great.

ok just was a complete failure in life.

went to get a drumstick from the freezer to eat.

started unwrapping the paper.

was not coming easily.

pushed it a little too hard.

it collapsed in my hand.

so embarassing.

glad no one saw it.

and this information is only to stay between us bloggers ok.

hush hush.

i find it interesting how you can be perfectly normal, calm & collected one moment, then you either see, hear, or feel something, and it completely is turned up in the air.

i had this experience today.

and it didn't even directly effect me.

i just suddenly stopped breathing.

became shaky.

started talking to myself.

the body does weird things wen it wants to.

so can the mind.

and it often is frustrating.

especially wen ur driving.

need a song to sing.

i need offers!

wat could i sing that would be suitable for me??

anyone!?

thank you in advance :)

"Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger;"

-James 1:19

Till we meet again...

end of a week

i did not want to get out of bed this morning.

really didn't want to.

slept in about half an hour over my alarm.

and turns out i didn't even hav to get there early.

cause my mentor can't meet at 9:30am on a friday.

ah fun times.

but had a nice strawberry smoothie with people while waiting.

would hav prefered to sleep tho.

so my car trips this week hav been great.

been really tired so had to look at things to keep me awake.

this is wat today consisted of that made me smile.

i went round a roundabout.

i was listening to classic FM.

just as a car passed me, a lady was singing opera on the radio.

the lady in the car yawned at the exact same time.

it looked like she was singing the opera.

it made me laugh.

you know i was thinking this morning about marriage.

doon't know why.

and still can't seem to work it out.

how important a thing it is in life for people.

but really ur just deciding to live with them forever.

just two human beings living together.

sharing thoughts.

laughing together.

being unafraid to let emotions & feelings go.

being yourself.

helping make decisions with each other.

it really doesn't seem that hard.

if that person really is ur best friend of course it could work.

this thought just seemed to occupy my car trip this morning.

very weird...

had a full day of learning & rehearsing coreography to the song we learnt tuesday.

so much fun but really intense.

me being tired didn't really help either.

and huge assignment to do!!

ah it's a cool assignment, but intensely a lot of work and no class time.

the weather today just intrigued me.

little things.

drops of rain.

how so many tiny drops of water all at one time can make a huge mess of water.

on me.

getting me wet.

then the storm clouds.

oh wow.

just amazing.

incredible.

the view i saw was just indescribable.

i would hav taken a picture but not even that could hav given it justice.

the clouds were seriously so close i could hav touched them.

the colours ranged from a bubbly white to the blackest of blacks.

then beyond that were the mountains below a beautiful blue sky.

i almost drove off the road i was so intrigued.

there's a part in my trip home that for some reason i always think about the song playing on the

radio at that time.

it always seems to be a girl singing.

the first time i did it i was trying to work out wat the song was actually about.

if it had any deeper meaning to just wat was being said.

it was literally just about sex.

i'm pretty sure i could hav come up with something deeper than that.

so every day since, i hav tried to listen to the song playing and wat it was about.

love usually.

how typical.

moving in tommorow.

get to sleep in tommorow.

get my new bed tommorow.

ah tommorow.

finally.

and the weekend.

long weekend.

after only one week i'm ready for a long weekend.

this could be a problem i'm thinking.

"Above all, continue to love one another fervently..."

-1 Peter 4:8a

Till we meet again...

i'm not weird

so tonight i was really excited to write my blog.
don't know why.
but i raced to my room, then raced to turk's room where the comp was.
sat down. got all mentally prepared.
and low & behold.
the internet decided to hate me for a while & would not let me write it.
this made me very sad :(
so i went & got into my pj's and now here i am.
i'm sort of rushing it tonight, even tho i'm in the most talkative mood.
hav to be in ballarat in 12 hours.
gah.


ok so i'm happy to be in D ballet & jazz.
fantastic to go back to basics.
really great.
love the classes.
but D tap.
i'm sorry but i really would like to move on from taps & shuffles & simple simple combinations.
it's just so frustrating.
grrr it just makes tap classes boring which is the last thing i want.
however music theory was soooooo much fun today.
hav the most amazingly funny & great teacher.
and he knows my name!
not sure why.
think i was a tad weird in that class today.
couldn't stop talking.
and being outspoken.
oh well...at least he knows me.



car trip home was great.
i tried to eat dried fruit while driving.
ended up having to fetch a piece that had fallen down my top.
quite awkward & uncomfortable.
not sure why im sharing this fact with you...
then after that small incident, i got out my container of fruity bites that i had packed this morning for my 'play lunch'.
tried to balance this open container on my lap while driving round corners.
it could only end in disaster.
BUT...
it didn't.
i was amazingly vigile with my driving & eating at just the right times.
i was very proud of myself.
i then thought i should get a list that whenever i think of something that i will prob forget but would be really good for this blog and i would write it down.
this is all happening while i'm driving.
so i try to find a piece of paper.
then a pen.
then think of things.
so here i am, driving, trying to concentrate on the road, thinking of things to write, then getting the pen & paper on the steering wheel and attempting to make out any words on this piece of paper.
other drivers out on the road, you really should be wary of me.
i'm dangerous.



bought my bed today.
and a WARM WOOLEN underlay.
i can't believe i'm moving on saturday.
thats not tommorow but the next day.
wow that's weird.
i really am looking forward to it tho.
sorted out with turks wat i'm taking.
i admit, i think i hav a majority of mine and her clothing.
woops...



scottie made us sit at the table at dinner & go round telling everyone about our days.
he's very cute.
very cool quote that i just had to write down tho from him.



"I think it's due in the 8th week of March."



uh Ange...
i love him.



anywho i need to go to bed, to sleep.
i'v become a bit addicted to sudoku lately.
before i go to sleep.
in bed.
but i get too tired to concentrate then make a mistake which annoys me.
tonight i will go straight to sleep.









"Always glory! Always praise!"
-Romans 11:36 (The Message)








Till we meet again...

ub mania

Can i just say, i cannot wait to get fit & toned.
i am hoping that my kill-worthy weekly jazz class & almost daily boot camp will help me achieve this.
it had better, cause i'm not going to this torture class for nothing.
saying that, i had sooo much fun.
i really hav an amazing teacher.

lectures ub style are pretty awesome i must say.
standing up on the lecture theatre stage making poses to the 3 audience members taking pictures was quite fun.
a very unique lecture i'm thinking compared to other courses.

i enjoyed the warm weather in ballarat today.
i savoured it as i'v heard it will not come very often.
wore black which prob wasn't a good idea as it seems to soak up sun.
i'm smart....i know.

things that hav made my day today:
pizza for dinner.
sytycd.
my bed.
waking up to a text.
james taylor.
my family.

also, note to all the chocolate that could possibly come into my life:
IF YOU ARE IN MY WAY, I WILL EAT YOU. SO I SUGGEST YOU STAY OUT
OF MY WAY. PLEASE. THANK YOU.






"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."
-Psalm 119:11







Till we meet again...

tiredness

well another day has passed me by & again i am so very tired.

this tiredness thing is odd.

i am wanting to go to bed early.

i find it amusing.

fun.

to get to sleep.

i feel proud of myself for getting on the pillow so early.

knowing i will get enough sleep to last me till 7pm the next day.

then the cycle starts again.

a few things are making themselves known to me at the moment.

they are good, interesting, bad, depressing, and probably no interest to you at all.

firstly, i am missing people so much.

i suppose i hav never really been a heavy socialite...well not until recently anyway.

thought i would be fine.

make new friends.

life moves on.

but it is tuesday.

i am missing my wonderful nacho 5 & co. so so much.

it's ridiculous.

how am i ever going to cope?

i just don't like it very much.

secondly, my computer is soooo slow.

this worries me.

i hav to use it this year.

something is seriously wrong.

wat am i going to do?

i just don't like it very much.

thirdly, i need a bed.

this actually excites me a bit.

get to go bed shopping tommorow in ballarat on my own.

my evil excited eyes are starting to make an appearance.

muahahahaha.

uni today was great.

enjoyed an amazing acting class, then great singing repertoire class.

saw passion in my teachers.

i really liked that.

it inspired me.

was slightly depressed by a 98% unemployment rate in the industry.

how wonderful...

but i'll enjoy these three years.

i don't need to worry.

just live.

i want the weekend to come.

so badly.

if i breathe & keep writing a blog every night, it will eventually come.

i'm trusting on this theoretic notion of mine.

i really feel quite blan & my brain isn't giving much out tonight so i appologise.

i am sorry.

so sorry.

s.o.r.r.y.

i am so depressing.

just get me off the computer.

this is ridiculous.

i need to sleep.

goonight.

"T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...and Grace will lead us home."

Amazing Grace - John Newton

Till we meet again...

confusion

i dont know whether this is weird. i feel like everyone was excited this morning starting uni.

especially my course.

i wasn't.

i'm just so confused.

this is wat i want to do right?

yet why hav i been thinking about how hard this life is going to be?

i just feel i want to be normal.

go to uni. get a job. marry. hav a family. not hav to struggle thru life.

look today was great.

honestly.

i didn't hav to sit thru boring lectures.

i got to go to a ballet class & breathe in a singing tute.

but...i don't know.

i just can't work out why i'm questioning this, cause i'v wanted it for so long.

my head just feels all over the place.

i want to roam.

drive forever.

explore.

take pictures.

be spontaneous.

live. actually live live.

let things happen.

be free from institutions.

eduational institutions.

smell the sea breeze one day.

climb mountains the next.

then come home & settle somewhere.

i mean wat is life?

why do we seem to worry about getting degrees & having to get a great career?

all the pressure that society has on us.

it just seems ridiculous sometimes.

i want to be unique & different.

take risks.

have fun.

not worry about other people.

they're just people.

why on earth do we worry about them judging us?

from the first second of laying eyes on us, they judge us.

we get over it.

it's not a big deal.

it's human being's brains working.

they do it.

we do it.

so then why do we often change our whole life we live because we're scared of it?

the people who dont judge us & love us for us are the one's to be scared of.

but are certainly the one's to be treasured beyond belief.

i want to be normal

yet

i want to be unique.

this will never be resolved.

"Do not worry about anything..."

-Philippians 4:6a

Till we meet again...