confusion

i dont know whether this is weird. i feel like everyone was excited this morning starting uni.

especially my course.

i wasn't.

i'm just so confused.

this is wat i want to do right?

yet why hav i been thinking about how hard this life is going to be?

i just feel i want to be normal.

go to uni. get a job. marry. hav a family. not hav to struggle thru life.

look today was great.

honestly.

i didn't hav to sit thru boring lectures.

i got to go to a ballet class & breathe in a singing tute.

but...i don't know.

i just can't work out why i'm questioning this, cause i'v wanted it for so long.

my head just feels all over the place.

i want to roam.

drive forever.

explore.

take pictures.

be spontaneous.

live. actually live live.

let things happen.

be free from institutions.

eduational institutions.

smell the sea breeze one day.

climb mountains the next.

then come home & settle somewhere.

i mean wat is life?

why do we seem to worry about getting degrees & having to get a great career?

all the pressure that society has on us.

it just seems ridiculous sometimes.

i want to be unique & different.

take risks.

have fun.

not worry about other people.

they're just people.

why on earth do we worry about them judging us?

from the first second of laying eyes on us, they judge us.

we get over it.

it's not a big deal.

it's human being's brains working.

they do it.

we do it.

so then why do we often change our whole life we live because we're scared of it?

the people who dont judge us & love us for us are the one's to be scared of.

but are certainly the one's to be treasured beyond belief.

i want to be normal

yet

i want to be unique.

this will never be resolved.

"Do not worry about anything..."

-Philippians 4:6a

Till we meet again...