oh the joys of pondering

today i was driving through Creswick. and there were beautiful old oak trees lining the road. it was absolutely beautiful. as i drove through them all, i felt like i was in a movie. the sun peeking through the trees onto the road as i drove underneath them. it was gorgeous & a moment today that made me smile for the most insignificant yet special reason. I dont know why these things make me happy. but part of me is glad they do. i like being able to smile for the smallest things. it makes each day. each living moment. so much more special & enjoying. and that's wat life's about isn't it.

loving people can be so rewarding. it can fill each day with a joy not experienced for a long time or even ever before. it gives a reason to keep going. to keep waking each morning. to keep smiling. to keep reaching further. it's a joy & blessing that we are able to experience in life. it also can cause the biggest heartache. the saddest thoughts. the most amount of tears even shed. yet through all that negative, can come the shortest glimpses of sunlight. happiness. smiles. laughter. that joy again. which makes up for all that horribleness that loving someone can cause. i often dont understand this. how i can be living weeks in frustration, sadness, and heartache, yet ten minutes of dancing. or laughing. or talking. or just being. with that person. it makes up for everything. every tear. every harsh word. every moment of wondering wat im doing wrong. i think wen i see that person happy, it makes everything worth while. cause that's my aim. that's why i care so much. but oh, so frustrating. it is this that i dont understand. and will continue to ponder on my thoughts.

think on that people. think on that. i wish you well :)

Till we meet again...

discovering me

hey guess wat...it's sunny in Ballarat!
i know right. amazing. not to say it hasn't been pouring down rain earlier
...but that's irrelevant.

just thinking...this year has been probably the best of my life.
i'v learned so so much. about people. relationships. myself.
living. friendship. being myself & learning who i am.
it's been ridiculously hard. so so hard.
but it's cool. amazingly cool & rewarding.
i suppose i'm still in it too. ha! how weird.
but yes, definitely can tell i'm in the midst of life & learning right now.
but then, do we ever stop. like really, i suppose we don't.
particular points in life though bring out different & exciting things.

i was so scared at the start of this year to have to meet new people. discover new friendships.
but i look up on my wall of photos from this year & couldn't be happier.
it's beeen complicated. but amazing.
all the smiles i'v smiled.
all the laughing attacks i'v had.
all the tears i'v cried.
all the glitter, colour, costumes, curles, confusion.
friends i trust with my life.
people that hav made impacts upon my life.
friends who hav cried on my shoulder, made me laugh like crazy, & always been there for me.
i sometimes can't understand how this can come so quickly & amazingly.
but i wouldn't trade it for the world.

"SMILE"




Till we meet again...

life's representation

today i got a representation of my life performed to me.
it was incredible. something i just can't express in words.
and the strange coincidence of things.

white. dress was white. basket was white. i love white.
hearing past blogs being read out. so weird.
paint on balloons. i love the art of paint. i love balloons.
the fact that someone took the time to create something about my life. it's humbling.
miss Fiona Lacey, you are truly incredible.

also how i got so emotionally touched by performances that weren't necessarily sad. just amazingly touching and beautiful.
really, the creativity in a single person to create that is truly beyond how my mind can imagine.
i miss Ange. i miss Turks. their smiles. their lives. our crazy fights. our laughing attacks. i just can't wait to see them again.

im looking round my room. there is so much in here that makes me smile.
my bed. balloons on my bed. soft toys on my bed. blanket on my bed.
my walls. photos on the walls. the ever accumulating amount of memories that are making themselves known on the wall.
a princess tiara. 3D glasses.
pink 'short bustier'. pink warm slippers.

i seriously love life. sometimes i dont know why. sometimes people & situations can cause me to drown further than i want. but at other times, the excitement of finding newly found situations to play in is just a bit too cool. it's just life. i dont know why i stress about things.

"Ready for the Weekend"
by Calvin Harris

Till we meet again...

Last day alive

lately i'v been in a really contemplative & reflective of life.
i dont know why...actually i do, but its weird that it's due to something that happened.

i wonder what i would do if today was the last day i ever lived.
like imagine. wat would i do? who would i see?
thinking about it, i would just want to see everyone & everything.
money wouldn't be an issue. i could eat WHATEVER i want. i wouldnt need to worry about what people think of me. it would just be awesome.
i dont think i'd want to sleep. too much to see & do.
i'd really want to get on a plane with all my friends & family and travel to europe & do as much as i can in a day.
not think about my fears.
smile. and laugh. about nothing.
buy lots of flowers.
eat a chocolate eclair/profiterolle.
visit & big, exciting city.
and roll down green rolling hills.
make people's day so much better.
give them a reason to live.
actually tell people how i feel. honestly. openly.
not be scared.
appreciate absolutely everything that i see & experience.
register to be an organ donor.
make people happy.
stop living & checking facebook & TALK to him.
kiss someone. someone who i want to kiss with all my heart.
get a huge bunch of balloons.
sing.
stop waiting for the next thing in life to happen & just enjoy the moment.
be happy cause i know what's in store.



"I'll give you a world to conquer when you're grown"

-'I'd Give My Life for You'
Miss Saigon


Till we meet again...

insides

why does my brain & heart & mind & body & everything else just like to gang up on me.
they think they want something, then all of a sudden...BAM change direction.
want different things.
go crazy.
people ask why.
i dont know.
if i could go into my body & ask each part why they're doing things, wow wouldnt that be amazing.
i would actually know why i suddenly feel things or want things or get angry.
then maybe i could stop it.
people around me would be very happy as a result.
gah.
breathe jane breathe.
also, i hav found out today that im not very good at pretending to be perfectly fine.
got asked a LOT wat was wrong with me today.
argh this is why i study acting.

stupid hoons outside my window i can hear.
honestly Ballarat, get ur act together.

as a conclusion, i am so so happy despite wat has been written.
just leaning my head on the wall, as to release all pain & confusion in my back, head & heart.
gotta love life.
:)

WHY AM I NOT ASLEEP!!

Till we meet again...

2am

it usually is the lonely late nights that i'm inspired to write another blog.
the freezing cold ballarat air drives my brain into blog mode.
my lack of sleep doesn't seem to influence the fact that i'm still up writing this thing at 2am.
and it's not even important that i write it.
i hav assignments due.
lot's. heaps.
too many.
yet i'm staying up to the early hours of the morning writing my BLOG.
my blog.
honestly wat possesses me sometimes.
and now that i've started, i'm not particularly inspired to write about anything interesting.

my day consisted of sleeping, sitting, watching lots of movies, washing dishes, yelling at myself, laughing, cooking, eating, being grossed out more than once, finding the changing of colours on the tv "on/off" light very intriguing, driving, admiring my photo collage on my bedroom wall, showering, breathing, shivering....

friends make me happy.
whether i'v known them for years & years or only a month or so, they each play a role in my life.
and i find each and every one so so special to me.
Hair is not near me or able to pop in any time he likes, yet he made me the happiest i felt all day.
making spaggetti with a new but fantastic friend tonight.
knowing that Turks my most best friend, will always forever be home waiting for me.
the special few that i hold so close to my heart yet miss dearly at the moment.
and the complications that come with people, i am slowly discovering.
it's all just a little too much sometimes.
can't face hurting people.
addressing issues that would easiest be left unsaid.
trying to work out wat's happening inside my heart and mind.
and always having to be in control of my life & how i live it.
then dealing with downfalls that i sometimes wish hadn't happened.
learning to live with people.
well not really other people i suppose.
it's really learning to live with yourself.
i'm finding that hard.
i'm so annoying.
yelled a lot at myself today.
ah.
life.
how do we do it?


"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God..."
-1 Peter 5:6

Till we meet again...

hols

embarassingly i am going to admit that for the past hour or so, i hav been trying to find my gmail address that i thought i had created for this blog.
i looked up troubleshooter, help, everything i could think of.
sat here frustrated as anything.
then realise after long & painful headaches, that i didn't create it and the address used for my blog was my old email address.
GAH!!!
i suppose i'm relieved at the same time, but really really really frustrated at the past hour

but i am updating my blog because apparenly i haven't written for a while, which is true.
and Hair told me to update it.
i feel sort of loved wen someone misses it.
really didn't think it was that important.
even if it is for one person.
i would do it for just that one person anyway.
i suppose my random words and tangents may entertain people at times.
or maybe i'm just rambling on again for my own entertainment...

so since my last post, i hav lived.
continued on.
breathing.
smiling.
just living.

last week of uni i had a stressful assignment due.
i admit i made it stressful out of my own accordance in leaving it to the last minute.
BUT still...
it was stressful.
but then i finished it. thanx to a block of cadbury milk chocolate.
and uni finished and everything finished.
and i went home.
and it was nice.
really nice.

the last week has been the highlight of my holidays tho.
not saying Easter wasn't great.
it was.
i spent quality time with my family and overall had a wonderful time.
but this week i feel like i'v been out & doing things.
making use of my time.
seeing wonderful people.
and spending quality time.

monday was spent seeing smiles.
was intrigued at the oddly parked car i travelled in.
began watching the footy cause someone didn't want to go to the actual match *cough cough*
then moved on to Alias which was a new experience for me.
i hav now found i like Alias.
i may watch it again.
met up with Turks and her man in the city, and walked around for a while with them, wasting time before our train departed.
i'm pretty sure i just exploded with everything that was on my mind to her.
just walking round the city.
coming out with random things that came to mind.
probably mid-sentence.
Juice totally zoned out.
i asked him for his opinion.
he had no idea wat we were talking about.
wat is it with men and listening.

wednesday i went to luna park with scottie and Edicans for scottie's pre-birthday celebrations.
but of course, it started with the train ride.
ah the train ride.
well i ended up sitting next to a man.
from africa i think.
who ended up finding out that i danced.
well didn't that lead to such exciting topic and conversation...FOR THE REST OF THE TRIP.
he was very intrigued with my life.
whether i was single.
how old i was.
how much i danced a week.
wat i did for fun.
i was so scared that i didn't dare take out my phone in case he made me give him his number.
and apparently was staring at me as i walked away...far away.
yea it was interesting.
but then got to luna park and all was good.
after about 5 rides felt sick.
yea that never seems to happen to me.
hmmmm...

saw Hair on thursday.
had a picnic.
it was so so amazing to see him again.
i miss him so much and hate being in ballarat for the lack of seeing him (or maybe hate that he isn't in ballarat wen he so closely could be)
we ended up at his place.
that is where taking spontaneous trams and buses leads you.
we had a glorious time sitting at his table singing songs at the top of our lungs & dancing in the small amount of space we had.
however much to my dismay i got attacked my his most gorgeous adorable dog whome i love to bits.
and i thought he like me...
then came home and spent the rest of the evening with the family & harvard who decided to plonk himself at our doorstep for the night.

spent yesterday shopping with my dear mother of mine.
it was surprisingly lot's of fun.
starting to get worried cause my mum is beginning to look better than me wen we go out.
but i'm happy for her :)

tommorow i go back to the small dingy mining town of ballarat.
hopefully will get some work done this week.
but am very happy that i seem to be the only one who is still on holidays next week.
sucks to be you everyone else.

i appologise prefusively that this has been soo long.
or maybe you got bored and hav not reached this far.
either way, i'm sorry.
i tend to get carried away and talk too much.
but i still love you all.
you just need to tell me to shut up at times.
i totally understand.
i annoy myself too.
like now.
so i will leave you to continue on with the rest of your days & activities.


"Casting the whole of your care on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully."
-1 Peter 5:7

Till we meet again...

inspiration

so i just sat down & read exfoliate's blog while watching August Rush.
and i just want to say that yes although the internet doesn't quite convey tone or deep emotion, i could feel the happiness seeping through the bright green words that were being written.
her smile i could see right before my eyes.
the melbourne uni setting that i would learn to love if i had the chance.
her amazing presence i want to see again so badly.
the endless talks i would hav all over again.
the sparkle that she always has in her eyes.
and the amount of love i feel wenever im around her.
this inspires me.
music inspires me.
my friends inspire me.
my family inspires me.
to reach for dreams.
continue dreaming.
go beyond anything i could ever think of.
take risks.
embrace youth.
but at the same time embrace growing up.
enjoy every single chill i get through my body.
music & love.
they go hand in hand.
both give me chills.
both make me smile.
both need emotion to function.
they're both wat i long for in life.
they're both wat keeps me going at times.

i'm happy.
a bit confused.
but how is that out of the ordinary.
starting to understand people.
smiling.
i can't wait till 4:30 thursday.


Till we meet again...

very odd

this week has been so odd.
very up and down.
wanting to bury myself in a hole one day, then the next having so much energy & not being able to stop smiling.

last night i went out.
to a bar.
in ballarat.
i know right. a tad dangerous.
but i did.
did not drink because i was being responsible and driving home.
but still had a fun night.
talked with a third year mt for pretty much the whole night.
twas interesting.
then went home at 10:30 so i could sleep a bit.
walked into the kitched and was greeted with a mass of dishes.
so me being me, suddenly had a huge urge to clean.
so i washed all the dishes, unloaded the dishwasher, put another load on, and cleaned the whole kitched with some multi-purpose cleaner that i managed to find.
it was so much fun.
woke up at 7 all ready for boot camp.
my day has pretty much been like that the whole time.
very much full of energy.
smiling the whole time.
sort of in love with michael buble.
gah...
and now i'm sitting listening to Next to Normal and wanting to cry.
every single aspect of my life is just flooding all at once upon my heart & head.
some good.
some bad.
wonderful memories of laughter & endless smiles.
issues pending on me at the moment.
missing people like crazy.
pink sequins.
centrelink forms on my bed.
excitement of getting mail for the first time today Yes i was pretty much running round the house in excitement.
tommorow is friday.

but i won't cry today.
i will smile.
take the clothes off the line.
make fish for dinner.
watch A Chorus Line for repertoir assignment #2.
go to bed. keep the routine.
continue being Jane who i'm expected to be.
Plain old Jane with her quirky style & odd sense of humour.
who really has no idea wat she's doing at any point of any day.
and often talks before thinking.
i wouldn't be able to change this even if i tried tho.
hmmm.

well my gorgeous fish who's been waiting in the fridge so patiently since tuesday is getting impatient, so i think i will go cook it.
Keep smiling all.


Till we meet again...

gah

I HATE WEEK 4.
i'm very tempted to leave this as my blog but i think i'm going to use this space of white blank to let all my emotions out.

i feel like going to bed and sleeping.
forever.
with my friends.
and family.
and loved ones.
and never having to look at another million assignments.
or search after a lost library book.
or cook dinner.
or try and keep well.
it's all just getting so hard & i'm a little bit over it.
i realise i'm going to bed before 9:30 every night.
this also sounds like i'm whining and i hate that so i think i'll stop.
and go to bed.
cannot wait till the weekend.

Till we meet again...

another sunday night

it's another sunday night. finished another week. lived another weekend. starting a new cycle again.

it's another sunday night. i'm sitting in my bed. under the covers for once. the weather's starting to like me.

it's another sunday night. i feel a bit like a man. don't know why. maybe cause i'm wearing a man's t-shirt to bed.

i can hear strange one just coming home thru the door. us two girls are in our rooms. in bed. "asleep".
we both came home to quite a few finished beer bottles that had been consumed over the weekend. we're both quite intrigued.

i love looking round my room & seeing what i'v kept from certain people & events. it makes me see what i find important in my life and how i treasure moments and people so much.
my "calming" box from secondary school wen i start to become a stress head. 3D glasses. photos. soft toys. a balloon. food that is so precious i'm scared to eat. pink sequin headband (with matching wrist band) i'm cool like that :P my favourite 18th b'day cards. money from america. a piece of white & orange paper with a number on it. and my weird obsession and love of candles.

this weekend is another one of those weekends when i just want to rabble on and on about how much i love my friends.
and how amazingly blesssed i am to hav them. cause seriously, they're incredible.
each one of them. in their own special way.
i will fall asleep soon with a smile on my face after such a wonderful night & day.
they exhausted me to the core this weekend. blisters forming. legs prob won't let me get up in the morning. but still...my smile will be there.
the extreme happiness i felt walking around the city with them.
annoyance at times. having many a "Joey" moments. learning to work together. i wouldn't trade it for the world.
and i do hate being away from them. but i'm definitly learning to treasure every single moment wen with them. makes it amazingly worthwhile.
even wen they strip the blankets off ur sleeping body to wake you up.
i still love them.
so so much.
for the world.


"...forgive, and you will be forgiven."
-Luke 6:37


Till we meet again...

almost weekend

hello my fellow bloggers.
well last night was st patricks day.
last night strange one got a tad tipsy and very emotional.
last night i played scategories & lost.
last night i couldn't stop eating burger rings.
last night as soon as my head hit the pillow i was out to it. alcohol??
also, last night someone got stabbed right near my beloved uni.
then this morning i got up early and went to bootcamp and did pilates.

i'm sort of starting to admire the amazingness of mothers & fathers.
the way they manage to fit everything into their day.
meals.
washing.
cleaning.
dishes.
chores in town.
personal cleanliness & hygiene.
i honestly don't know how they do it.
i'm stuffed.
maybe it's a repitition thing.
hmmm.

i find it really embarassing wen i'm sitting at my dinning room table singing my absolute heart out with the window open and people walk past.
i mean i suppose i hav some sort of excuse.
but still...
gah embarassing :S

And tommorow is Friday!!
which means i'm going to yabc tommorow night.
and going home tommorow night
and it's the weekend!!
this makes me extremely happy
:)



Till we meet again...

staying awake...

wat is it with the weather lately?

it's just messing with my body system.

last week it's absolutely freezing cold & i'm sitting on the couch with two jumpers on, snuggled under a doona, & the heater blazing.

this week i'm in singlet & shorts, sweating away.

gah it exhausts me!

i am so tired.

i shouldn't be this tired.

really.

but i am.

so tired.

i can't even be bothered eating.

i just want to lay down & sleep forever.

i may just do that.

would make life easier.

wouldn't hav to go to bootcamp in the morning.

or write this critical studies assignment.

or think about the black spider in my underwear drawer.

or hav to think about emotional complications that i don't particularly want.

it really would make life easier.

saying that, i wouldn't hav a life if i was asleep.

hmmm interesting concept...

i love my housemates.

really i am so blessed to hav them this year.

the dynamics in the house are just wonderful.

plus strange one can cook wonderfully.

:)

i hav now discovered how to use my oven and washing machine.
i'm proud of myself.
it makes life easier too.
hehe.

ok so if i go to bed soon, i will get around 12 hours sleep.
this sounds extremely amazing.
may just do that.
forget the millions of assignments i need to do.
i'm sleeping.




"With him is strength and wisdom..."
-Job 12:16







Till we meet again...

nothing

i am sitting with my family in my loung room laughing our heads off at biggest loser.

i feel sort of bad, but the commando really is hilarious.

ah the joys of family life.

so i feel like my life is:

weekdays=uni

weekend=get to live life

i mean dont get me wrong, i love uni.

but as for writing a blog, it feels as if hav nothing to write about.

i go to uni each day.

get completely exhausted.
know i hav to do assignments.

sit in front of the couch thinking of the asssignment i hav to do.

then go to bed because i'm completely out to it & most likely hav to get up before 7am.

and it makes me sad that my life actually seems quite boring.

BUT...

i did hav a wonderful weekend :-)

hmmm now that i think about it, i slept for a large portion of it.

but i slept all of that with my desired person of choice so i'm happy.

well i'm sorry but that is my life at the moment.

i miss my beautiful friends so so much.

i really do need to see them soon.

i'm starting to go insane.

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
-Psalm 90:12

Till we meet again...

new

i cant believe i hav moved.

out of home.

into a new home.

new room.

new people.

different feel & smell.

new sounds.

new temperature.

new views.

different dynamics.

different food.

it reminds me of moving to plc.

but better.

it all lies ahead of me.

and it's a tad exciting.

this morning i woke up & started to pack my room up.

i hav an unbelievable amount of stuff.

just random stuff.

took a LOT of it.

packed it all in my little car.

my desk included.

and me & myself drove along the all too familiar road to ballarat.

know that road way too well.

got caught in a couple of crazy storms.

the sky was brilliant tho.

and it is now 8:49pm and i am sitting on my bed which i picked up.

just ate grilled flake, a potato cake, & chips for dinner.

watched Princess and the Frog.

drank sprite.

did dishes.

looking round at my new room for at least the rest of this year.

my desk in front of me.

wardrobe to the left.

window to the right.

cant wait to get properly settled.

it will just be so great.

ok just was a complete failure in life.

went to get a drumstick from the freezer to eat.

started unwrapping the paper.

was not coming easily.

pushed it a little too hard.

it collapsed in my hand.

so embarassing.

glad no one saw it.

and this information is only to stay between us bloggers ok.

hush hush.

i find it interesting how you can be perfectly normal, calm & collected one moment, then you either see, hear, or feel something, and it completely is turned up in the air.

i had this experience today.

and it didn't even directly effect me.

i just suddenly stopped breathing.

became shaky.

started talking to myself.

the body does weird things wen it wants to.

so can the mind.

and it often is frustrating.

especially wen ur driving.

need a song to sing.

i need offers!

wat could i sing that would be suitable for me??

anyone!?

thank you in advance :)

"Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger;"

-James 1:19

Till we meet again...

end of a week

i did not want to get out of bed this morning.

really didn't want to.

slept in about half an hour over my alarm.

and turns out i didn't even hav to get there early.

cause my mentor can't meet at 9:30am on a friday.

ah fun times.

but had a nice strawberry smoothie with people while waiting.

would hav prefered to sleep tho.

so my car trips this week hav been great.

been really tired so had to look at things to keep me awake.

this is wat today consisted of that made me smile.

i went round a roundabout.

i was listening to classic FM.

just as a car passed me, a lady was singing opera on the radio.

the lady in the car yawned at the exact same time.

it looked like she was singing the opera.

it made me laugh.

you know i was thinking this morning about marriage.

doon't know why.

and still can't seem to work it out.

how important a thing it is in life for people.

but really ur just deciding to live with them forever.

just two human beings living together.

sharing thoughts.

laughing together.

being unafraid to let emotions & feelings go.

being yourself.

helping make decisions with each other.

it really doesn't seem that hard.

if that person really is ur best friend of course it could work.

this thought just seemed to occupy my car trip this morning.

very weird...

had a full day of learning & rehearsing coreography to the song we learnt tuesday.

so much fun but really intense.

me being tired didn't really help either.

and huge assignment to do!!

ah it's a cool assignment, but intensely a lot of work and no class time.

the weather today just intrigued me.

little things.

drops of rain.

how so many tiny drops of water all at one time can make a huge mess of water.

on me.

getting me wet.

then the storm clouds.

oh wow.

just amazing.

incredible.

the view i saw was just indescribable.

i would hav taken a picture but not even that could hav given it justice.

the clouds were seriously so close i could hav touched them.

the colours ranged from a bubbly white to the blackest of blacks.

then beyond that were the mountains below a beautiful blue sky.

i almost drove off the road i was so intrigued.

there's a part in my trip home that for some reason i always think about the song playing on the

radio at that time.

it always seems to be a girl singing.

the first time i did it i was trying to work out wat the song was actually about.

if it had any deeper meaning to just wat was being said.

it was literally just about sex.

i'm pretty sure i could hav come up with something deeper than that.

so every day since, i hav tried to listen to the song playing and wat it was about.

love usually.

how typical.

moving in tommorow.

get to sleep in tommorow.

get my new bed tommorow.

ah tommorow.

finally.

and the weekend.

long weekend.

after only one week i'm ready for a long weekend.

this could be a problem i'm thinking.

"Above all, continue to love one another fervently..."

-1 Peter 4:8a

Till we meet again...

i'm not weird

so tonight i was really excited to write my blog.
don't know why.
but i raced to my room, then raced to turk's room where the comp was.
sat down. got all mentally prepared.
and low & behold.
the internet decided to hate me for a while & would not let me write it.
this made me very sad :(
so i went & got into my pj's and now here i am.
i'm sort of rushing it tonight, even tho i'm in the most talkative mood.
hav to be in ballarat in 12 hours.
gah.


ok so i'm happy to be in D ballet & jazz.
fantastic to go back to basics.
really great.
love the classes.
but D tap.
i'm sorry but i really would like to move on from taps & shuffles & simple simple combinations.
it's just so frustrating.
grrr it just makes tap classes boring which is the last thing i want.
however music theory was soooooo much fun today.
hav the most amazingly funny & great teacher.
and he knows my name!
not sure why.
think i was a tad weird in that class today.
couldn't stop talking.
and being outspoken.
oh well...at least he knows me.



car trip home was great.
i tried to eat dried fruit while driving.
ended up having to fetch a piece that had fallen down my top.
quite awkward & uncomfortable.
not sure why im sharing this fact with you...
then after that small incident, i got out my container of fruity bites that i had packed this morning for my 'play lunch'.
tried to balance this open container on my lap while driving round corners.
it could only end in disaster.
BUT...
it didn't.
i was amazingly vigile with my driving & eating at just the right times.
i was very proud of myself.
i then thought i should get a list that whenever i think of something that i will prob forget but would be really good for this blog and i would write it down.
this is all happening while i'm driving.
so i try to find a piece of paper.
then a pen.
then think of things.
so here i am, driving, trying to concentrate on the road, thinking of things to write, then getting the pen & paper on the steering wheel and attempting to make out any words on this piece of paper.
other drivers out on the road, you really should be wary of me.
i'm dangerous.



bought my bed today.
and a WARM WOOLEN underlay.
i can't believe i'm moving on saturday.
thats not tommorow but the next day.
wow that's weird.
i really am looking forward to it tho.
sorted out with turks wat i'm taking.
i admit, i think i hav a majority of mine and her clothing.
woops...



scottie made us sit at the table at dinner & go round telling everyone about our days.
he's very cute.
very cool quote that i just had to write down tho from him.



"I think it's due in the 8th week of March."



uh Ange...
i love him.



anywho i need to go to bed, to sleep.
i'v become a bit addicted to sudoku lately.
before i go to sleep.
in bed.
but i get too tired to concentrate then make a mistake which annoys me.
tonight i will go straight to sleep.









"Always glory! Always praise!"
-Romans 11:36 (The Message)








Till we meet again...

ub mania

Can i just say, i cannot wait to get fit & toned.
i am hoping that my kill-worthy weekly jazz class & almost daily boot camp will help me achieve this.
it had better, cause i'm not going to this torture class for nothing.
saying that, i had sooo much fun.
i really hav an amazing teacher.

lectures ub style are pretty awesome i must say.
standing up on the lecture theatre stage making poses to the 3 audience members taking pictures was quite fun.
a very unique lecture i'm thinking compared to other courses.

i enjoyed the warm weather in ballarat today.
i savoured it as i'v heard it will not come very often.
wore black which prob wasn't a good idea as it seems to soak up sun.
i'm smart....i know.

things that hav made my day today:
pizza for dinner.
sytycd.
my bed.
waking up to a text.
james taylor.
my family.

also, note to all the chocolate that could possibly come into my life:
IF YOU ARE IN MY WAY, I WILL EAT YOU. SO I SUGGEST YOU STAY OUT
OF MY WAY. PLEASE. THANK YOU.






"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."
-Psalm 119:11







Till we meet again...

tiredness

well another day has passed me by & again i am so very tired.

this tiredness thing is odd.

i am wanting to go to bed early.

i find it amusing.

fun.

to get to sleep.

i feel proud of myself for getting on the pillow so early.

knowing i will get enough sleep to last me till 7pm the next day.

then the cycle starts again.

a few things are making themselves known to me at the moment.

they are good, interesting, bad, depressing, and probably no interest to you at all.

firstly, i am missing people so much.

i suppose i hav never really been a heavy socialite...well not until recently anyway.

thought i would be fine.

make new friends.

life moves on.

but it is tuesday.

i am missing my wonderful nacho 5 & co. so so much.

it's ridiculous.

how am i ever going to cope?

i just don't like it very much.

secondly, my computer is soooo slow.

this worries me.

i hav to use it this year.

something is seriously wrong.

wat am i going to do?

i just don't like it very much.

thirdly, i need a bed.

this actually excites me a bit.

get to go bed shopping tommorow in ballarat on my own.

my evil excited eyes are starting to make an appearance.

muahahahaha.

uni today was great.

enjoyed an amazing acting class, then great singing repertoire class.

saw passion in my teachers.

i really liked that.

it inspired me.

was slightly depressed by a 98% unemployment rate in the industry.

how wonderful...

but i'll enjoy these three years.

i don't need to worry.

just live.

i want the weekend to come.

so badly.

if i breathe & keep writing a blog every night, it will eventually come.

i'm trusting on this theoretic notion of mine.

i really feel quite blan & my brain isn't giving much out tonight so i appologise.

i am sorry.

so sorry.

s.o.r.r.y.

i am so depressing.

just get me off the computer.

this is ridiculous.

i need to sleep.

goonight.

"T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...and Grace will lead us home."

Amazing Grace - John Newton

Till we meet again...

confusion

i dont know whether this is weird. i feel like everyone was excited this morning starting uni.

especially my course.

i wasn't.

i'm just so confused.

this is wat i want to do right?

yet why hav i been thinking about how hard this life is going to be?

i just feel i want to be normal.

go to uni. get a job. marry. hav a family. not hav to struggle thru life.

look today was great.

honestly.

i didn't hav to sit thru boring lectures.

i got to go to a ballet class & breathe in a singing tute.

but...i don't know.

i just can't work out why i'm questioning this, cause i'v wanted it for so long.

my head just feels all over the place.

i want to roam.

drive forever.

explore.

take pictures.

be spontaneous.

live. actually live live.

let things happen.

be free from institutions.

eduational institutions.

smell the sea breeze one day.

climb mountains the next.

then come home & settle somewhere.

i mean wat is life?

why do we seem to worry about getting degrees & having to get a great career?

all the pressure that society has on us.

it just seems ridiculous sometimes.

i want to be unique & different.

take risks.

have fun.

not worry about other people.

they're just people.

why on earth do we worry about them judging us?

from the first second of laying eyes on us, they judge us.

we get over it.

it's not a big deal.

it's human being's brains working.

they do it.

we do it.

so then why do we often change our whole life we live because we're scared of it?

the people who dont judge us & love us for us are the one's to be scared of.

but are certainly the one's to be treasured beyond belief.

i want to be normal

yet

i want to be unique.

this will never be resolved.

"Do not worry about anything..."

-Philippians 4:6a

Till we meet again...

new adventures

today shall be short & brief because i'm going to bed because...
TOMMOROW I'M A UNI STUDENT!!!
wow extremely weird to say that.
i honestly thought at one stage in my life that people in yr 7 were old.
then yr 10.
then yr 12.
then uni.
um wat the?
how hav i become one of these.
and the coolest thing is, tommorow my day consists of a ballet class & singing tute.
this makes me extremely happy.
gotta love uni.



did a lot of driving today.
wen not driving i was chasing a 7yr old who had endless amounts of energy.
wen not doing either of them i was running away frm turks & scottie in the gardens.
then wen i had a chance & was doing none of the above, i was eating frozen yoghurt.
i am so tired now as a result.
that is why my bed is desperately calling my name.
so tonight is extremely short, i'm sorry.
all i can say is that i really can't wait to move into a house wen i can buy stuff.
couches.
beds.
art work.
vases.
tables.
random cool statues.
picking colour schemes.
cocktail glasses.
crockery sets.
i really am excited.
my life awaites me :)



"You're a good freeway driver."
yea thanx for that love.
p.s. i wasn't actually crying. turk's added it for dramatic effect. but i was deeply hurt :P


"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
-Proverbs 17:17








Till we meet again...

smiling at life

i hav seriously had one of the best, amazing, invigorating, guilty-ridden, fun, fantastic, wonderful, junk food filled 48 hours. words cannot express how happy i feel just at this moment.

and the thing is, i suppose nothing extraordinary has happened to me.

no trip across to antarctica.

didn't fly.

wasn't named the world's miss universe...not that i want that.

i simply spent time with some of the best people i know.

the people who make me smile.

who, even after spending a whole night & half a day with you, will run up & give you the most amazing hug. as if i was a long lost friend.

who forgive me for bursting out in random laughter at 5 in the morning.

the kind who know all my secrets, seemingly without me even telling them.

the people who i always look forward to seeing, no matter what.

the neverending jokes we hav.

who are considerate, yet brutely honest about almost everything.

the so completely different mix of people, wen blended together, make the smoothest, coolest, tastiest, funnest, exciting treat you will ever get.

thursday night consisted of WAY too much to be able to be completely justified with words.

the ball sliding on exfoliate's tiled floor while pre-drinking.

the talks that should NEVER EVER EVER be repeated.

quotes that shouldn't but will always be remembered.

silly city folk who think that the possum is chasing them.

symbolic fern tree throwing.

my agility to dodge many a sprinkler...in heels...in the dark.

the "You can't die! Who will plan my funeral properly?"

but then the "Maybe dying together would be symbolic."

who are we dying from?

a drunk guy, in a taxi, cursing at us.

ordering (and inventing) a McNothing.

the fact that 4 of us get in a bed together, clearly all knowing we won't all end up there in the

morning. why do we bother really??

the curse of the women's figure skating.

the goodbye's.

i really thought that i should catch up with my lovely parentals of mine after my time away.

indian food.

i should hav expected it from my parents really.

but it was a nice meal & catch up time.

drove ALL THE WAY out to lilydale.

seriously, why do you live in lilydale?

i'm pretty sure we'v actually had this discussion before.

sang while driving.

very loud.

glad i was alone.

didn't take one wrong turn.

yay!!

was greeted quite splendifidly with chocolate...and champagne...and red wine...and video games.

and a really cool internet ordered pizza.

i mean i didn't eat the pizza.

it was just the cool internet ordered thing that excited me.

surprised i didn't get nightmares frm my marathon of shooting people witness.

tho was quite thrilling at the same time i admit.

i dreamed of elephants...baby elephants.

hmmm.

it was just an amazing night.

can't stop smiling.

didn't want to go home.

p.s. i'm sorry i haven't thought of ur code name yet. it will come eventually.

picked up scottie from dancing.

i feel like such a mum.

"I'm picking up my child frm dance class."

thought we could get something to eat, but just ended up wasting half an hour.

driving very close to the cbd.

but yet again, didn't get lost.

am babysitting at the moment.

reminiscing on my past two days.

children are all in bed.

house is quiet.

dark outside.

feel so old.

and it's different.

it's new.

things are going to change.

i honestly can't help that.

but i do know that things i want to remain the same, or even get better, most certainly will.

things that i want to change, i will change.

i now know that i can be stronger.

in my heart, i want to be stronger.

and i don't want to let people down again, even if they hav no official reason to be let down.

i know exactly how they feel.

and i hate it.

i will try my absolute best to do this.

because they hav to smile.

they have to.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."

-Philippians 4:13

Till we meet again...

All I have to do is smile

it is thursday today. wow wasn't expecting that.

the last three days hav seriously felt like at least a week.

ah the joys of o-week.

i'll just give a brief overview of my 3 days cause going into detail requires thought, which i really don't hav.

first day: great start

apparently i had declined my offer some time in the past few months.

gah why me?!

but continued on like i was a normal uni student.

listened to lots of people talk.

walked around a lot.

met lots of people.

ate a sausage.

discovered if i keep my car in ballarat, i will soon become a taxi driver. which i don't particularly want. so i will hav to think of something to restrain this from happening. hmmm...

did something i regret HOWEVER will never do again. this is a promise to myself. never ever.

lasagne for dinner.

PARTAY that night.

typical ballarat weather, it decides to rain.

the house is tiny.

backyard is massive.

it is raining.

can't breathe inside.

get wet outside.

i look like a drowned rat. i was so sad :(

there seemed to be a never ending amount of people that i had to meet & introduce myself to. can't remember anyone's names. plus i shouted the whole night. sore throat today...

Day two: learned about a...wait for it...boot camp!!

so doing it. i'm quite excited. three morning's a week. 7:30AM. woo...kill me now :P

HEAPS of informations drilled into my head, finding it hard to remember it all. hopefully will come back to me wen i am in need.

went out to the movies that night to see Valentine's Day. look typical romantic chick flick. wat do you expect. but it made me so happy :D well i enjoyed it anyway.

very close to having a massive spaz attack that night. very close. i then told Daddy & scottie about it. they encouraged me. wat the?

Dad: "you should of just blown up and become really scary"

Scottie: "yea like this" *pushes me REALLY hard against my desk*

how are the two men of my house encouraging me to be violent. this is so not them. but i suppose with the victim in mind, they would encourage it...

drove home listening to amazing music which made me feel like i was in a movie scene, in new york, driving home at night, thinking about everything emotional in my life. i tried to do that, but i was in ballarat & my emotional life i either didn't want to think about or wasn't worthy of cutting a movie scene.

Day three: dance streaming.

twas average. think i'm probably in lowest dance level.

but to be honest, am surprisingly happy about it. i just want to learn the basics again which i haven't done in soooo long. it will be a basis for which i can improve on.

listened to a looooong 1 & 1/2 hour OH&S lecture on injury & injury prevention.

was made a cool ice cream invention for dessert that night.

neopolitan ice cream, banana, cinnamon, strawberries, & a dollop of cream. so so so nice :)

drove home. home!!

love being alone in a car. i get to sing & put the music up LOUD. it just makes me soo happy.

i'm pretty sure the last 1km to my house i almost flew up the road i was so ambitious to get there.

i got attacked by turks & scottie while still in the car.

love those two.

i now hav 4 days off.

with wat shall i hav the pleasure of doing with them?

only time shall tell i suppose.

"There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

-Proverbs 18:24

Till we meet again.